Recipe: Holiday Spirit

 

Ingredients

-3/4 cup tinsel shavings

-2 peppermint candycanes, chopped

-1 cup snow, melted

-pinch cocoa powder

-handful fake snow

-3 reindeer hairs

 

Directions

1. In a blender, mix the melted snow, chopped candycanes, and tinsel shavings on "high" setting until consistency is smooth throughout
2. Pour slowly into mixing bowl, dropping in reindeer hairs continuously
3. With a large sized whisk, toss in the cocoa powder and stir until syrupy
4. Put in oven at 0 degrees for twelve days, or until mixture no longer resembles anything
5. Pour into individual mugs (preferably, with patterns of holidaylike themes applied), garnish with fake snow
6. Throw mugs into magical Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa cloud of joy, and bask in holiday spirit

Disclaimer: Do not attempt to actually do this. It is for entertainment purposes only. May have side effects of eggnog head, tinsel mouth, frostbite, bah-humbugitis, or bad sense of style in sweaters.

Have a happy consumerism-free holidays, folks.

Enjoy the boom of greeting card and wrapping paper businesses, and the sentimentality of traditions that no longer apply to modern life.

But really, have a good one.

In the future...

 

[In the year 2000] no Mosquitoes nor Flies.  Insect screens will  be unnecessary.  Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated.  Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams.

-The Ladies Home Journal, December 1900

 

[In the year 2000] etiquette and housekeeping will be important studies in the public schools.

-The Ladies Home Journal, December 1900

By the year 2020, five per cent of the world's population will have emigrated into space. Many will have visited the moon and beyond.

-Weekend Magazine, July 1961

[Our children] will get pills to make them learn faster. We shall be healthier, too. There will be no common colds, cancer, tooth decay or mental illness.

-Weekend Magazine, July 1961

[An English scientist] believes that it will be enough to dig a hole of several kilometers and there find the heat needed by all the industry. The water in such a deepness will be so hot, that all the machines in the whole world could be powered by it. [In the year 2000].

-Pressburger Zeitung, March 1922

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

-Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."

-Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."

-Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

 

"Self-operating [vacuum] cleaners powered by nuclear energy will probably be a reality a decade from now."

– Alex Lewyt, president of vacuum cleaner company Lewyt Corp., in the New York Times in 1955

Democracy will be dead by 1950.
-John Langdon-Davies, A Short History of The Future, 1936.

 

And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam
-Newsweek, predicting popular holidays for the late 1960s.

 

A 1930s fashion prediction for the year 2000, by fashion designers:

Holiday Songs Even Scrooge'll Love

Listless

Listless? Here's a remedy- mixed specially for you by me.

1. Worst fears to have [phobialist.com]
1. Panaphobia (fear of everything)
2. Hydrophobia (fear of water)
3. Optophobia (fear of opening one's eyes)
4. Chaetophobia (fear of hair)
5. Domatophobia (fear of houses or being in a house)
6. Barophobia (fear of gravity)
7. Ambuluphobia (fear of walking)
8. Ablutuphobia (fear of bathing or washing oneself)
9. Gnosiophobia (fear of knowledge)
10. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words)
2. Strangest jobs [by Steven Gillman, NOT me]
1. Wrinkle chaser (irons wrinkles out of shoes as they're being made)
2. Chicken sexer (the person who checks newly born chicks to see if they're male or female)
3. Citrus fruit colorer (gives citrus fruit a natural coloring using chemicals, because they're usually picked before ripe)
4. Celluloid trimmer (shaves down golf clubs then adds celluloid bands to make leather grip stay in place)
5. Odor judger (smell armpits to test effective deodorants)
3. Movie cliches [for more: moviecliches.com]
1. If you're sad, it rains.
2. If you optimistically say, "Well, it can't get any worse..." after a tough situation, you will either a) get drenched by a sudden rainstorm or b) get drenched by a puddle being splashed by an ongoing car
3. There's always a parking spot up close to the building (what?! SEARCH for a parking spot? No way.)
4. Hacking a computer is as easy as tying your shoelaces (or finding a parking spot)
5. Telemarketers are non-existing; unless, of course, you need an excuse as to who you're so secretive with on the phone
6. Who needs lie detectors when you have dogs? Dogs always bark at the bad guys.
7. Smokers only smoke when it's convenient (usually during/after they are in a climactic battle. Everyone is immune to nicotine.)
8. Bathrooms are for showering, bathing, waashing hands, and looking inquiringly within your soul through a mirror- NEVER using the toilet.
9. If a car falls down a cliff, it will almost always burst into flames.
4. Best two-letter words [in my opinion]
1. Ah
2. Oh
3. Ha
4. It
5. Ow
5. Best Superpowers [in my opinion]
1. Time travel
2. Flight
3. Shapeshifting
4. Invisibility
5. Superspeed
6. Superstrength

Want to add on? Post a comment, I'll see if it's worth attaching. Keep posted- always stick it.

Sickie

     We all have our sick days (myself more than others), and everyone knows what it feels like to be bedridden. Sure, other than the churning stomach/blazing throat/disabling headache/insert complaint here, it can be (kind of) relaxing. However, if you're like me and get a tad antsy when sitting in the same place for too long, let alone a whole day or multiple days, you tend to get bored. So, today while battling my possible strep throat, I decided to go on a journey; a search to help all those other sickies out there fight off boredom.

1. Watch a tv show you'd normally never watch- I did plenty of that. I even -gasp- watched MTV. Why? Possibly the tiredness, or the head pain getting to me. Anyways, I watched Canadian's Next Top Model (and you have to realize, I never watch reality shows, let alone shallow competition ones) and was actually quite surprised. Yes, it had the catfights and over-the-top emotional breakdowns, but I learned a lot about modelling I never knew. Who knew posing in front of a camera was more about being just a pretty face? (Hey- I never said a lot more). The point is, you've gotta mix up life every once in awhile, and what's more risk-free than mixing it up by simply flicking the converter? You may even learn something. (Or not).
2. Write a theme song/rap/interpretive poem about how you're feeling- It doesn't have to be good (in fact, it most likely won't be), but I guarantee it'll occupy you for awhile.
3. Think of a phrase that'd be good on a tee shirt, then try to see if it actually exists- There are a lot of t-shirts out there. Early on, I thought to myself, "how many t-shirts are there? What if I were to become a t-shirt slogan creator; would it be tough? What if all the phrases in the world have already been taken by one company or another? Would that mean unemployment on my part if I did choose that as my off-the-beaten-path career? I was going to test my ponderings, but fell asleep instead. If you're sick and need something to do, why not conduct a test? Send me the results, too. (The only thing better than doing something yourself is getting someone else to do it for you, after all).
4. Pick a specific subject, and become an expert on it- You learn something new each day; and if you're just sitting in bed anyway, why not make it a few somethings? Pick a miscellaneous word out of the dictionary or glance throughout your room to find one thing to specialize in. I ended up choosing eyeglasses. Did you know that the first recorded "lense" was a glass globe used by the Roman tragedian Seneca? I sure didn't, that is, until I got sick.
5. Make a list of things that are worse than being sick- It'll make you feel a heck of a whole lot better. Did a rogue elephant stomp on your little brother? Is your room sealed off with cement? If not, then you don't have as much to complain about as you thought.
6. Optical Illusions- They occupy me for hours. Try Eyetricks or Michael Bach. Just a suggestion; don't do these if your sickness is mainly in your head, or if you feel dizzy/nauseous. Trust me, you'll regret it. This one is really fun: try to find the hidden tiger.
7. Watch infomercials, and try to get into the mindset of the people who actually fall for them- Wait a minute, losing weight without doing anything? That sounds great! Or that sham-w0w magic cloth? It can really absorb even the largest traffic spills!
8. Learn Coin Tricks- You can do magic in bed! (Okay, not like that). Get a few coins, and learn some coin tricks.

9.     Set all your clocks to the wrong time- set all the clocks nearby to different times (don't pay attention to how far ahead/behind they are), then take a long nap and try to guess what time it is when you wake up. It's actually really fun. Try it- really. To see how close your guess is and fix all your clocks, use an online world clock.

10.    Shop without spending money- go to your favorite online store, and shop till you drop, with everything you could possibly imagine. Only, instead of cashing out, just close the site. It's like window shopping, only you don't have to get out of bed.

     So, whether you're utterly delusional because of a sore throat, or just a tad under the weather, you definitely won't be bored. Am I making any sense? Probably not.

Keep posted,

Your (sickly) love,

Jade-Caitlin

One Woman's Trash is Another Girl's Wardrobe

     It's hard not to hear all the chatter about being "eco-friendly" and "saving the earth". It's hard not to question, "does one person really make a difference?" Most of all, it's hard to adapt to this new
"environmentally friendly" lifestyle. Well, don't worry- things are easier than they seem. Whether you want to save the planet, save some money, or just save your style, I've got a fun jewellery project you can try.

     Our family goes through cases and cases of water bottles a week. I mean, just me alone is like having a car-wash water vacuum in the house. We've just started recycling, but it's hard with water bottles left in (sometimes strange) various places throughout our home. The other day, as I came across a  couple of water bottles in  the rubbage, it got me thinking. These pieces of hollow plastic have got to be good for something. Eventually, I stumbled upon the jewellery idea. I admit, it's not everybody's cup of tea, but I have quite a bold style, and the jewellery accents my style perfectly. Plus, it's a fun little project.

***

Step One: Gather the Materials

 Get a water bottle (empty), a pair of scissors (unless you're Edward Scissorhands- one less thing to worry about), a medium paintbrush, piece of paper or newspaper (to cover your area), a tube of black acrylic paint and a tube of a dark color of your choice (I chose blue).

Step Two: Slice

With the water bottle cap off, squish the bottle so you can wrap the scissors around it. Cut around the middle part- don't worry about neatness.

 

Step Three:  Neat and Tidy

Now that you've cut out the main part, go around the edges with the scissors to smooth them out. Make sure to totally annihilate all those pesky corners and sharp edges; unless, of course, you plan on using this bracelet as a torture device.

Step Four: Roll up those sleeves

Dust off that paintbrush and stretch that painting hand. Grab the paintbrush, dip it (only a little bit!) in a small dab of the black paint, and swiftly brush it on the inside of the bottle in messy strokes. Do it lightly, so you can still see a fair amount of clear. Notice how it has a metallic, rusty look. The key is really, less is more.

Step Five: A splash of color

 Wash your brush, dry it, and dab an even smaller amount of the color of your choice (mine is blue). Do the same as before (on the inside of the bottle), only even lighter and more scattered. Make sure some clear is still showing, but try to lightly brush the places where there's no black, as well as overlapping the black. Remember: this is only to accent it. Don't do as much as you did with the black!

Step Six: Let it Dry!

  Leave your bracelet to dry- it shouldn't take long. When it's finished, hold it up to the light. It should look almost antique-ish, but with a futuristic feel (yes, I'm making this up as I go). try it on- you'd never know it used to be a hunk of drinking plastic. Congratulations, you're now finished.  Yay! You can be creative with it, too- try different things. This is only a baseline, a thing I did on a rainy day (why, yes, I do need a life). If you're feeling extra risky (or lazy), you don't even have to paint it at all- I think the label looks pretty cool. Here's my "collection" of garbage jewellery:

 

    

     Maybe not the coolest way to spend a Sunday, but hey, why not get a little messy every once in a while? I had fun- hopefully you will too! Enjoy.

Stay Posted,

Jade-Caitlin ^^

Sticky Notes!

     I looked down at my computer calendar and thought to myself, "Hey! It's been a week since I started my blog". (Well, maybe not right away... but it came to me eventually). Anyway, I thought I should do something special for my "one-week-anniversary post". After searching through pads and pads of mind post-its, it finally came to me: why not write a post on what my blog's about? (Sticky notes!) So, roll up your sleeves, flex your clicking finger, and get ready to get sticky.

     Our first stop on the post-it bus is to get a little background info- some history. Luckily, this isn't the "Hey kids! Columbus sailed around the world, Edison invented the lightbulb, and- hey, you! Stay awake. Wipe off that drool," type of history. You're gonna get pretty stuck on this kind of history. (Sigh, another sticky note pun? Oh, just watch how many more I can do. By the end of this post, you'll definitely have some paper to burn in your fireplace). Learn the history of the post-it note. Still not satisfied? More here. What about some of the, er, stranger history? What exactly is possible with a sticky note? Read post-it stories and news articles. What about this sticky situation: out of paint for your car? Don't fret; there's no need to worry when you have sticky notes lying around!

     Bored? Post-its can solve that too. Bring out your creative side with some sticky note crafts such as origami post-it boxes, origami post-it flowers, and sticky notebooks. Or, if you're not so artistically inclined, why not try some online games- this one is fun (remember to press the little "continue" at the top to play), or you can add this cool facebook application (thought you escaped from attack of the facebooking teenagers? Well, they're back- with extra stick).

     With all the misery in the world, it's good to have a laugh every once in a while, even if it's about palm-sized pieces of pointless yellow paper. Pick up the pencil and remind yourself to check out these cartoons.  How about this guy, who writes cartoons on sticky notes? Better yet, what about some virtual sticky notes for your blog?

     If you're feeling lazy (ah.. that remote control is all the way on the other side of the couch..) then save some energy (which energy?) and watch some videos. About sticky notes, of course- you haven't managed to escape the yellow papery doom just quite yet. There's the famous and very insightful Yellow Sticky Notes, Stop-animation Post it Notes, and experimental Post-it Notes Waterfall. Other videos for your viewing pleasure include such as a music video, a catfight, some art, or an adorable marriage proposal done with post-its.

     Isn't this all just wonderful subliminal advertising? Is your mind nagging, "Buy! Buy! Buy!"? If not, why not take a look at these noteful products, anyway? As I was looking at all of these products (despite being sick from sticky note overdose), I learned just how many things there are that involve post-its. Who would've thought little yellow papers with glue slapped on the back would be so successful? I mean; books, Problem-solvers, Idea manuals, and kid crafts- there's everything. There's even post-its for the environmentally-conscious forgetter.

     What? It's over?! Finally, free- and just about time, too. I bet you'll be dreaming in yellow 75mm x 75mm tonight. You can blame me for that. But, you have to admit- who knew somebody (with a lot of spare time on their hands) could write so much on such a conventional, boring, sticky subject? (Yep, just had to throw in that groaner). I think I deserve an award- either for most determination, or... the more likely, biggest blogging loser. And proud!

Stay posted, (No more jokes, I promise!)

Jade-Caitlin

Word of the day

     I was browsing the dictionary (online, of course... browsing the dictionary is hard enough, let alone actually getting off my chair and searching my bookshelf for one), and came across the "word of the day". I suddenly got a jolt of excitement; what? A new word, especially typed and posted up for this of all days? It made me curious. Whatever could this newfound vocabulary be used for? Could it be an adjective, a verb, or even-my heart skipped a few beats- an adverb?! I inched my finger over my laptop's touch sensor, closer and closer until, finally, I slid my hand over the clicker. A deep gulp of air slithered down my anxious throat, and I did it: I clicked. However, in contrary to the exciting, fresh, and even hip word I was expecting; the internet page was plastered with the following:

vexillology \vek-sil-AHL-uh-jee\, noun:
The study of flags.

     The study of flags. The big climax. Not quite as fantastic as I thought it'd be. It got me thinking: when exactly would you use the word "vexillology"?

     Oh no! Little Jimmy climbed up the flagpole, and now he's stuck again! But this time, the flag's pulley won't work. Does anybody in the crowd know anything about flags? No?! Whatever shall we do? We have to call somebody... quick: get out the phonebook! Oh, damn... what's the person who studies flags called? LITTLE JIMMY IS GOING TO DIE. I knew I should've looked at the word of the day.

     Well, there you have it. If you ever are in need of an emergency flag-studying experiment, you know how to find the vexillilogist you need. You learn something new every day; whether you need it... or not.

Stay Posted;

Jade-Caitlin =)

Hypochondriac's Survival Guide

     Yes, I am an admitted, recovering (ish), full-on hypochondriac. Well, it's not exactly my fault if I'm constantly sick, and probably suffering from numerous serious diseases that others fail to see. Worried you may have serious health issues? Try taking this screening test to find out if you may suffer from hypochondria.

• Do you suffer from frequent, stabbing headaches?
• After hours on end of looking at WebMD, do you start to hallucinate and/or envision floating thermometers?
• Have you ever taken an advil whilst still in the midst of an REM cycle?
• Is your online screening test count number over that of five a month?
• Do your hands involuntarily shake when first hearing of a newfound disease?
• Have you ever had more than three blood tests a year?
• Does the majority of your iPod contain health podcasts?
• Is your free time spent researching different diseases, "just in case"?
• Have you ever been hung up on whilest trying to have a serious conversation with a friend on the phone, insisting "But this time I know it's real!"?
• Do you think you may have diabetes?
• Do you think you may have skin cancer?
• Do you think you may have anemia?
• Did the staff of your local hospital invite you to last year's christmas party?
• Do you know the names and coffee preferences of all staff members in the ER, Dialyses, Neurology, Surgical, and General Medicine wards?

     If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, then, congratulations! You are a hypochondriac. But don't fret: I have some tips to help you through this hard time in your life.

Tip One: Just remember, you can't die from hypochondria... at least you can cross one off your list! (One down, five billion to go).

Tip Two: Family members are always there for support. Unless, of course, they've set aside a special pair of earplugs for when you frantically ask them for another drive to the doc's...

Tip Three: Doctors are your friends. All you need to do is find one who doesn't close their office when he/she sees your car parked outside.

Tip Four: Actually, that's really it. There aren't really any more tips to help you... too bad.

      Well, see you on your deathbed! (Right next to me...)

                                                 Keep posted;

                                                  Jade-Caitlin

iTouch, iDrop, and iScream

     Yes, I have, indeed, got sucked into the world of iPod. It's impossible not to. For some reason, that hunk of colorful metal filled with music has taken over my days. I finally got an iPod touch, and... well, if I wasn't glued to it before, It's fused to me now. Good thing, too- if it wasn't, I'd probably (knowing what a klutz I am) drop it. But, so far, iTouch, ihaven'tDropped, nor do  iScream- in the meantime, anyway. Hopefully my iLove will overpower my klutzpeds.

     Back to the iTouch; not only music, but pictures are on it, as well. Perfect for me- "PLEASE, just ONE more picture... I promise! I NEED IT. It'll look great in the scrapbook! Smile. Please don't hit me." Now I can annoy people even further with my photos.

     Speaking of iPods and cameras, I've decided to compile a list of things I can't survive without. Nifty, huh?

                              *****

1. iPod- Dare to be a stereotypical youngster... but, really, this thing is the new frontier. Saddle up and turn up the tunes.

2. iDrops- One of the downsides (okay, there's no upsides) of having  minus 8/20 vision-not quite superman standards- is that I have to wear the crappy contacts. No high-quality offthecounter "Wow! It's like I have 20/20 vision!" for me. I have astigmatism, nearsightedness, the whole bit; so lucky me, I have to use eyedrops constantly to see clearly.

3. My Movies- As we've all found out at one point or another, sometimes, the world just sucks. That's why we all need an escape- for me, it's my movies. I love intense, thought-provoking, "That's completely genius" type of movies with a sprinkle of dark humor. Without them, my brain would overload. (Ironic?)

4. Hollow Books- I may not have much (Er, anything) to hide, but that doesn't mean I don't need a secret space every once in a while. I have about ten hollow books all over my room- some huge, some tiny- that not only provide excellent decoration, but also provide a place to keep things. Who doesn't want to hide something, forget about it, then reminisce when you do find it? I got mine at homesense.

          5. Food, Water, etc- Of course, last on my list is those unimportant things; you know, food, water, air... that nonsense.

                              *****

     Well, that's enough for today, I suppose. Rather, tonight... it's dark outside already? Ah, the bliss of commitmentless summer.

                                               Stay posted,

                                               Jade-Caitlin

To Do:

• Create an utterly meaningless blog which is an absolute waste of the internet's space?

Check.

• Write an utterly meaningless first entry which is an absolute waste of the hard labour gone into making this plastic, overpriced keyboard?

Check.

...You'd think I'd have more to do with the oxygen I'm extracting from our miniscule planet; but, no. Well, if I did, I certainly wouldn't be writing this; and why disapoint the one person that accidentally stumbles upon this on one accidental occasion and never looks at it again? Certainly not.

So, did I catch your attention? Want to read more? Probably not. (I wouldn't). But if that happens to be the case, I suppose I should give some background info on what the crazy person at the keyboard is all about. Ever seen anyone interveiw themselves? Well, if not, you're about to.

Jade-Caitlin: So, are you criminally insane, or just the normal type?

Jade-Caitlin: I'll leave that for you to decide.

Jade-Caitlin: *nervous laughter* Hah... well.. um, what are your hobbies?

JC: Well, I love writing. I also love any type of art... being creative in general, really.

Jade-Caitlin: Oh? And your favorite type of music?

JC: Classic rock.. Aerosmith is my absolute favorite.

JC: Er.. I hate to ask you this, but could you possibly get off the table? I'm sorry, it's a... health and safety, type thing, you know? Heh.. Thanks. No, I really do apol- yeah, well. I'm pretty sure that's good for now.

JC: Oh.. Okay. No more? You sure? What about something like my favorite movie, goals in life, if I enjoy world peace and long walks on the beach...

JC: No, no more.

JC: Oh, good, because I don't.

So... I'm usually not *this* strange. Must be the 500 degree weather.

Stay Posted,
(Nice ending pun, huh?)

-JC