Words of wisdom from Wal-Mart cashier

     We were checking out some items at Wal-Mart (which I usually don’t like to do, those cheapo corporate bastards with those nasty little smiley faces and-) and we stood in the back of the “ten items or less line.” With fourteen items, naturally.

     A worker put the barrier right behind us just as we got in line. (Made it!) And the older woman at the cash said she hadn’t had a break for five hours.

     “Oh, we’ll go in another line, then,” my empathetic mum said.

     “It’s okay! It’s okay,” said the cashier. My mum continued to try and make her job as easy as possible.

     “I don’t mind working hard,” the cashier said, “it’s just when nobody appreciates it and steps all over me. I don’t like it when people don’t respect me and are rude and mean. You’re very beautiful. It’s just how we were raised- to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I just wish people would realize that.”

     I do, too.

Woman Who Missed Doomed Air France Flight Dies In Car Crash

Saturday, 13 June 2009

It's the kind of story that makes you wonder about the nature of fate.
Johanna Ganthaler and her husband Kurt must have been breathing more than just a sigh of relief last week. The couple had been on vacation in Brazil and they were running late. Despite their best efforts, they missed the plane that was supposed to take them back to Europe, leaving them feeling frustrated.

It was a frustration that turned to grateful amazement - the jet that took off without them was Air France Flight 447, which crashed in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, killing all 228 people onboard, including a former Guelph resident.
The Ganthalers wound up taking an alternate flight back and arrived safely. They were driving home, when their vehicle veered off the road in Austria and into an oncoming truck.
Johanna, who had managed to avoid dying in the plane crash, was killed in the collision, while her husband was seriously injured.
It's not clear what caused their vehicle to lose control.
Meanwhile, the search for the black boxes continues in the depths, with the help of a nuclear submarine equipped with sonar. Time is of the essence - the pings from those data recorders will stop next month.
Forty-one bodies have now been recovered from the crash site. Authorities hope to use DNA to identify the remains.

Information from: CityNews.ca, http://www.citynews.ca

Suicide committed yesterday by plastic idol

     Well-loved idol, Barbie Mattel, has been found dead after crashing her pink plastic convertible into the swimming pool yesterday afternoon. G.I. Joe and his authorities have ruled the case a suicide.

     T.O.D. lays undetermined due to the chemical plastic burns suffered from the chlorine.

     Friends and neighbours (Theresa, Kelly, Ken) claimed to authorities that Barbie had been dependent on Easy Bake Oven cupcakes for quite some while, causing her to go into debt. Her Dream House  payments were also lagging, stated landlord Mr. Potato Head; and she lost her job as a veterinarian soon after due to the animals kept chewing on her limbs. She obtained brief employment from Ken for work as his secretary, but quit a few days afterwards when she realized she was only hired because of her Barbie Limited Edition Stamp located on her lower back and not for her education at the prestigious TRU (Toys R Us).

     After quitting her job, neighbours say she spent most of the day sitting on her couch while watching the TV sticker- something she also felt failure with, sources indicate, due to her unbendable legs.

     Barbie had attempted suicide in the past. “Once, Barbie hid in little Sarah’s birthday cake pan… she got to the point where Sarah’s mom actually put the pan in the oven, with Barbie still in it,” says Theresa, close friend. The smell of burning rubber alerted the family of Barbie’s condition, however, and she was rescued soon after.

     Authorities conclude that Barbie’s plastic emotions most likely became too much to handle, and she decided to leave the world the same way she came into it: clothing, accessories, and baggage included.

the keys to happiness

 

What if the keyboard were a person?

He’d have to be pretty tough. And wordy.

I don’t know what’d be worse: the fact that I’d be hitting his face whenever I replied to an email, or the fact that I just leave him lying about to watch me while I change.

It’s not the changing part that worries me, just that he’d ejaculate ctrl and fn and alt all over my computer screen and it’d all slip down my facebook page and leak in all his crevices and I’d have to clean him myself using those aerosol spray-can computer keyboard cleaners. It’s just air in there, really, isn’t it?

BETRAYAL. Every time I stroked my cat or played guitar hero or strummed my fingers on my desk- oh god, right in front of him- I’d feel guilty and bombarded by my faithful conscience.

Or, worse, I’d tie my shoelaces and feel entwined and use my cell phone instead of my computer just to avoid breaking up with his @s and &s.

Those up and down and right and left arrows I’d miss, though.

Multiple Personality Disorder is defined as: “A highly disrupted psychological disorder in which a person exhibits two or more personalities, each functioning as a distinct entity.”

Is ^ an entity? Are H and U and Q and Y? { is distinct and ( has personality on the inside. Multiple fingers touch multiple keys and even in pressing just one it seems to multiply; onscreen.

I need him. I really do need him. I can’t eat feeds or breathe html or thrive off the ohs of Google without him.

In the end, I just can’t deny... he’s totally my type.

Happy 2009

 

     New year, new hopes, new dreams, new opportunity. Seize this oncoming year, and make it the best you possibly can. Start anew, be spontaneous, do something you've always wanted to. It's your year, spend it at will! Most of all, make it a great one.

Look forward to writing more in 2009 :)