Well-loved idol, Barbie Mattel, has been found dead after crashing her pink plastic convertible into the swimming pool yesterday afternoon. G.I. Joe and his authorities have ruled the case a suicide.
T.O.D. lays undetermined due to the chemical plastic burns suffered from the chlorine.
Friends and neighbours (Theresa, Kelly, Ken) claimed to authorities that Barbie had been dependent on Easy Bake Oven cupcakes for quite some while, causing her to go into debt. Her Dream House payments were also lagging, stated landlord Mr. Potato Head; and she lost her job as a veterinarian soon after due to the animals kept chewing on her limbs. She obtained brief employment from Ken for work as his secretary, but quit a few days afterwards when she realized she was only hired because of her Barbie Limited Edition Stamp located on her lower back and not for her education at the prestigious TRU (Toys R Us).
After quitting her job, neighbours say she spent most of the day sitting on her couch while watching the TV sticker- something she also felt failure with, sources indicate, due to her unbendable legs.
Barbie had attempted suicide in the past. “Once, Barbie hid in little Sarah’s birthday cake pan… she got to the point where Sarah’s mom actually put the pan in the oven, with Barbie still in it,” says Theresa, close friend. The smell of burning rubber alerted the family of Barbie’s condition, however, and she was rescued soon after.
Authorities conclude that Barbie’s plastic emotions most likely became too much to handle, and she decided to leave the world the same way she came into it: clothing, accessories, and baggage included.
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