the keys to happiness

 

What if the keyboard were a person?

He’d have to be pretty tough. And wordy.

I don’t know what’d be worse: the fact that I’d be hitting his face whenever I replied to an email, or the fact that I just leave him lying about to watch me while I change.

It’s not the changing part that worries me, just that he’d ejaculate ctrl and fn and alt all over my computer screen and it’d all slip down my facebook page and leak in all his crevices and I’d have to clean him myself using those aerosol spray-can computer keyboard cleaners. It’s just air in there, really, isn’t it?

BETRAYAL. Every time I stroked my cat or played guitar hero or strummed my fingers on my desk- oh god, right in front of him- I’d feel guilty and bombarded by my faithful conscience.

Or, worse, I’d tie my shoelaces and feel entwined and use my cell phone instead of my computer just to avoid breaking up with his @s and &s.

Those up and down and right and left arrows I’d miss, though.

Multiple Personality Disorder is defined as: “A highly disrupted psychological disorder in which a person exhibits two or more personalities, each functioning as a distinct entity.”

Is ^ an entity? Are H and U and Q and Y? { is distinct and ( has personality on the inside. Multiple fingers touch multiple keys and even in pressing just one it seems to multiply; onscreen.

I need him. I really do need him. I can’t eat feeds or breathe html or thrive off the ohs of Google without him.

In the end, I just can’t deny... he’s totally my type.